What sort of pattern does your thinking take?
For me, the first trigger to thinking could be noticing a sound, a word, something visual, a sensation in my body or even a thought. Then there is an automatic, speed of lightening movement to ongoing thinking. This thinking will involve analysing, reasoning, judgement, and going into the future to the worst case scenario. Then doubling back and doubting those thoughts before starting another train of thought starting from one of those doubts. It can go on and on. Trying to figure something out.
All of this takes me away from this moment. All of this takes me away from acknowledging what’s here in my body. I leave my body and reside in my head. I leave my emotions and follow my thoughts. The problem is that these thoughts don’t lead me to truth. They just lead me to more doubt. Most of my thoughts are a play on words led by fear. Going round and round trying to make sense in an effort to be safe.
I realise this and this is not what I want.
For you, the thoughts could have a different flavour. A different underlying drive. They may be working out how to please people so you can be liked. They may be trying to avoid conflict and be comfortable. We have different drives which affect the way we think. And some people may not be as doubtful as others. Maybe your train of thoughts is about the next adventure, which is also in the future and avoiding what’s here. Maybe your train of thoughts involves knowledge, lots of it, and more.
I have looked at my pattern often from different angles. But today I am clear on what I want.
Thinking is useful at times. I’m not saying it isn’t. But how do we know when it is and when it isn’t?
Certainly it’s useful in your job. Certainly it’s useful in coping with daily life.
But, it’s not useful when it goes round and round and gets tangled up in itself. It’s not useful when you want to be fully present to all parts of you in the moment.
What do I want then? I want to be discerning in what thoughts I choose to notice. I want to be discerning in what thoughts I choose to follow. I want to be discerning in what thoughts I choose to believe.
This how is not something the mind can figure out. I know that I wish to be discerning according to love and truth. And that’s it. Enough trying to figure that out!
I just know from the depths of my being. I want to be discerning in my thoughts according to love and truth.