Conflict – so loosely talked about, covering a wide range of interactions. From a mild disagreement to a heightened, escalating, high emotional panicky situation. And all inbetween.

I have recently had a 3 week holiday, mostly on my own, road trip, staying in airbnb’s.
One of the things I reflected on and inquired into was my reaction to conflict.
Nothing about right and wrong.

I asked myself: What am I scared of?

Am I scared of feeling and getting angry myself?

Or am I scared of the other person’s anger?

Or am I scared of getting angry and then scared of their possible angry response?

At first I decided that I was scared of the other person’s anger. Almost like, I’m in danger of them hurting me, if not physically, then emotionally.

Then I wondered how I was with feeling anger. Actually, I’ve had plenty of times in more recent years, of feeling anger and experiencing a clear strength from that, that didn’t come out as an angry reaction. So now it’s not the anger in me, that I am afraid of. I can feel it in my body. At times, I am not even aware of even feeling it in my body but of it going directly to either action or words. But not as an angry reaction. As a clear, strong and compassionate comment. However, I am still afraid of the other person’s reaction, even if it isn’t an angry reaction, again because it could be hurtful to me.

So I am most scared of the other person’s anger. However, nowhere near as scared I was when younger.
I can now stay still in the face of someone else’s anger even while being aware of the fear in me. And that is a massive change. I recognize that the anger someone else is feeling and expressing angrily is their emotion, not mine. I get this deeper than a thought.

Allowing the fear to be felt in my body while at the same time as being still inside is a result of the work I have done with the Leela School. Silence inside even when emotion is happening is possible.

How are you with anger? Are you scared of your own anger or the other person’s anger?
And does it depend on whether it’s a mild disagreement or a huge explosive situation?

I’m back from my holiday so am inviting anyone to make an appointment with me to explore how they are with anger.
Make an appointment by emailing me or using the booking system on my website.