I know I’ve written about emotions before……………… but often people ask me – how to feel emotions. Mainly because they want to learn a way to do away with them! And really, we need to feel the emotions just because they are there, and stuffing them in or resisting them, is a way that leads to the body saying “No more!”

As a society, we are taught to not get angry, get over being sad quickly, to not feel the fear. Be happy and feel only positive emotions!
And then we have people saying to take out your anger on a pillow or punchbag, (can link anger with aggression in the brain) or cry your heart out to let out the sadness, or distract yourself from the fear. Just don’t go anywhere near hopelessness or self-hatred.

Emotions are not felt by thinking. Though the thinking can trick you into thinking you are feeling the emotion.

Emotions are not felt by naming it. That is your mind.

Emotions do not need to be let out. From where to where? Emotions are not let go by acting them out or expressing them. (though at times, it’s helpful to say how we feel to be honest and honour a relationship.)

Emotions happen.

They are energy in the body and you will feel the sensations of them there.

And there is another layer to them – not thinking, not just in your body. Somewhere internal.

An example, a couple of weekends ago, I had a day of feeling hopelessness and despair. It had been building over a few days but on that day, I acknowledged it – I named it because the words arose, not because I tried to name them. I thought that it was triggered by an overwhelming fear of my body being incapable of doing ordinary stuff that I wanted it to do. But I don’t really know that it was triggered by that and I didn’t need to know. I happened to have a day not filled with distractions so whatever I did, I did with awareness of hopelessness and despair. And quietness. Sometimes I sat doing nothing and allowed my mind to be lazy. I did not spend time thinking about it apart from a brief wondering into the cause. It was just there. Where? There wasn’t even a tightness in my body as there often is with fear. At times it became vulnerability. And openness. All words to describe something that is difficult to describe. Later in the day I became aware that peace was here and I was quiet. (You may have read about this before if you follow me on facebook.com/theinnerpathnz or on LinkedIn.)

Another example: I was sitting in the sun having a mocha and became aware of an unsettled feeling, I was curious about it. I noticed that my body was a bit agitated and it wanted to move. As I was aware of this, I then noticed some tension in my chest and stomach. Ah, fear was here. Fear of getting it wrong. Because I was on my way to meet up with the manager of the centre I would be using for an expo and then had thoughts about whether I had enough or too many stall holders. Were there enough tables, etc. So I was aware of all this and let it be. The thoughts stopped as I acknowledged the emotion and as I noticed what I was looking at in the scenery in front of me.

So how to feel emotions? To start with, be willing to feel them. Willingness is key. If you are already set up to resist by believing they are not good or you don’t want them, then resistance will happen. You will know when they arise. You will just know. Then resist the temptation to resist them or push them away. Resist the temptation to think about them. Be curious about the emotion but not by thinking about why. Check your body. Your mind can have a job noticing how that part of your body feels.
Emotions pop up at unexpected times and sometimes we are aware of them gently, gradually emerging. Sometimes they are sudden. As you become more aware of yourself, your patterns, your body sensations then you will be more aware of emotions. Slow down and notice.

And anger – another emotion that we get scared of and don’t know what to do with.
What if…….. you don’t need to do anything with it.
What if……..you don’t need to get it out or get rid of it or express it.
What if……..you can just feel it – in your body and just all inside you. Without trying to push it away.

All the best. It’s a challenge to learn a different way of being with emotions.

Your body, your mind and your being will thank you.