It does seem to be a human thing to want to control our life, to get what we want, to manifest what we want, to plan our life so that we are successful and happy.

But what if this is actually something we learned and not actually a natural way to be.

When we were very young, we were dependant on the adults to met our needs. Actually we strived to make that happen – all unconsciously of course. But somehow we needed to survive and the only way to do this was to develop strategies to fit in, to belong, to get love, to be approved of, to be safe, to avoid conflict, to be good. It all seemed natural. Not something that the early-language you could even later put into words.

Then these strategies got embedded in our subconscious and subtly influenced every part of our development.
Following on from establishing these strategies, we learned the lesson – strive for what we want. Take control in any way possible. Use our intelligence to plan our life in detail. Use the mind to figure things out. Think about what someone means when they say something because it might mean something about you, which might be unsafe. Avoid emotions because they are uncomfortable. Learn as much knowledge as possible so that you know something. Strive to be better and have more.

Then these manifested in little things in daily life.
Plan thoroughly, write a list, distrust others, be nice to avoid an argument, walk on eggshells to avoid someone’s scary anger, work out ways to be helpful so someone approves of or appreciates you, say ‘yes’ when asked, stay awake at night going over conversations, get anxious about appointments and authority, do what other people want you to, criticise and judge yourself.

How would you be if you dropped all of this?

What would be the natural way to be, to live?

It can be rediscovered even though it seems like your whole life has been a negation of this.
With love,
Annette

Ps: This was inspired by a session that I had with my Leela School mentor. We didn’t talk about all the things I do to Project Manage my life but got straight in to the real stuff of what is going on below the surface. Below the overwhelm of not knowing.