No control over your life.
Isn’t it just plain awful, plain horrible, when something is happening in your life that makes you feel very uncomfortable and you can’t get away from it?
Feels like you have no control over your life. At all. What are you supposed to do?
And your mind goes to the worst case scenario and then you feel totally in despair? How can you stand it?
I don’t know how this played out for you, but for me recently, it was about a boom box. How can a boom box create such despair? Really? Just a boom box?
It started one afternoon from the neighbour’s game room at the back of their property, next to mine. It wasn’t the loudness. It was the vibration right inside my body. Frightening. I just couldn’t get away from it. I went and spoke to the teenage boys, I went back 10 minutes later. Then I decided to go out and do grocery shopping. When I came back all was quiet but the feeling in my body was still there. Late that evening (11.30pm) it started again. I got dressed and started over there but turned back – dark, lots of people, alcohol, weed. Googled noise control. Went on for hours.
Desperately trying to get away from the vibration. Thoughts in panic – I will need to sell my place. I can’t see clients. I can’t play my singing bowls for people. I can’t garden in peace. I can’t stand it. DESPAIR.
Next day I went talked to the dad. It’s his boom box. He apologised. Mmmmmm, will that make any difference? 2 more evenings of it, at least it stopped by midnight. THEN, BBQ time, boom box vibration started mid-afternoon. I went for walk – could hear it all round neighbourhood. Spoke to another neighbour- we will both do a complaint to noise control. Another neighbour would go and talk to them.
That night I met a Leela School student. How could I concentrate to support her with that going on??? I did. The boom box vibration shrunk in my awareness until near the end when we were chatting. Afterwards I sat in my egg swing chair and noticed the quiet inside me. The vibration and noise was still going on but I was quiet inside and open and still. The mystery of Leela.
The next day the neighbour removed all the branches and rubbish from my place that he had promised to do 18 months ago. I haven’t spoken to him yet. He hasn’t used the boom box in the last few days. I will be interested to see how I am when he does. (I also have the noise control officer’s number to ring if I choose to)
But the despairing thoughts seem to have got light and blown away. Somehow I know all will be well.
New website: www.theinnerpath.co.nz
Do have a look. What about an appointment time for you? A time for attention to be on what you want from life.